


reflections

by markhyuckfest, neocitys



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 22:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17333933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuckfest/pseuds/markhyuckfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocitys/pseuds/neocitys
Summary: Prompt Number : #MH075Side Pairings : Mentions of Jaehyun/Taeyong and Ten/JohnnyWarnings : Brief Mentions of DeathSummary : In that moment, it feels as though all the chaos and destruction that would surround them out on the field doesn’t exist, here in this place where their emotions mirrored each other's.





	reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note: to the prompter, thank you for sending in the idea and i’m sorry to say that the final product probably deviated away from it a lot :(( its one of the things among many that i regret about this fic and there will probably be some mistakes left as i had a lot of messes going on irl when writing this too so i couldnt focus on it as much as i wished to. but i also think that i would’ve regretted it even more if i didn’t send it in at all so i still hope you enjoy at least some parts of this!! also thank you to the mods for keeping in contact with me so that i could submit this even though it was so last minute!

**_Year 26_ **

**_1st May_ **

 

 

“Welcome to NCT U, Mark Lee.”

 

 

Mark doesn’t think he’ll ever forget those words from that cool, clipped voice, at the start of his new path.

 

 

His first day had gone by in an almost hazy blur, with the amount of information that he had to take in, with the boy in front of him that he had to comprehend.

 

 

The boy that was currently behind the glass with his fingers flying over the keyboard as he sets up the training simulation.

 

 

Lee Donghyuck.

 

 

The boy had seemed like an enigma at first glance, getting around straight to showing him around the training building as well as their unit’s living quarters without even a hint of expression. His first day had ended with the other mentioning that they would be starting his first unit meeting early next morning, before going to his own room that was apparently opposite Mark’s new living space now. The whole process had been completely professional without even a hint of any break for personal conversations with Mark with an exception of questioning about the areas he had been trained in so far, which caused Mark to start wondering whether the rest of his training process was going to proceed this way.

 

 

It had gone by in such a quick manner, almost making it seem as though it was no big deal that Mark had now become a part of his country’s most elite forces, NCT, at the age of twenty, a fact that he was still struggling to grasp. To be even more specific, it was part of the NCT Special Operations Units, which focused on the missions that were to be carried out in a more clandestine way, including espionage. In simple terms, it was something more along the lines of spies and secret agents, the difference being that these units were under the government while at the same time carrying out the operations that the government would not outright be willing to be associated with.

 

 

And Mark had been left questioning about how this boy who seems younger than him was the one who seemed to be one of the most highly trained operatives in this unit such that he had been claiming how he would be the be the one to “mentor” Mark in his process of getting used to the system.

 

 

The next morning had gone at an even more dizzying pace, starting off with Mark meeting the rest of his team, and finally getting more insight on what he was in for. All the information flew into Mark’s head, filed away in separate compartments in order to process it and try to figure out how he could play his role amongst the team.

**NCT U**

One of the NCT Special Operations Units.

Involved in carrying out covert operations for national-level defense objectives.

**NCT V**

One of the Special Operation Intelligence Units.

Involved in collecting intel for furthering of Special Operation units.

**Lee Taeyong**

Commander of NCT U.

In charge of handling cases along with the Case Officers and NCT V and running analysis operations.

**Kim Doyoung**

Case Handler

**Johnny Seo**

Case Handler

 

 

Then there was the one he was looking forward to finding out about the most.

 

 

**Lee Donghyuck**

Field Operative

 

 

And finally, himself. The new recruit, the rookie of the unit.

 

 

**Mark Lee**

Field Operative

 

 

Mark had enlisted in the army at the age of 16, along with others of his age for the three years of mandatory service as the government had ordered, and had moved on to completing one year of Special Term as preparation to move up to NCT, considering how he had been one of the best amongst his cohort.

 

 

Mark’s final training process at NCT’s base would last for one year, broken up into different parts where he would be focusing on his combat skills with Donghyuck, and run throughs of missions with Johnny, who was appointed as his direct handler as Doyoung was already Donghyuck’s. Once it was cleared, NCT U would be fully assembled, and ready to be deployed yet again. He also finds out more about the team, that Taeyong had been at NCT for eight years already, Johnny and Doyoung for six, and Donghyuck for two. Donghyuck had come from the military school, which had offered a Special Forces Progamme, accounting for his entry into NCT. It fits in then why Donghyuck seemed younger than Mark, he was indeed by a year, due to his longer training at military school since he was thirteen as compared to enlisting when he was sixteen like most others such as Mark. And yet he was the most quiet throughout the meeting, barely speaking up unlike the others who had offered bright welcomes to Mark, eager to have a new recruit aboard on the unit. 

 

 

Now here he was with this boy again, ready to start his first training session at the Simulation Room regarding his abilities. Donghyuck stops going at the keyboard furiously and studies Mark through the glass, his face as blank as it had been the previous day. Mark wonders for a second if it will ever break, why the other’s face seems so locked away and devoid of any expression.

 

 

“We’re set to go, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck’s voice comes over the ear piece.

 

 

Mark swallows hard and takes a deep breath, then pulls down his goggles.

 

 

————

 

 

**_Year 26_ **

**_7th May_ **

 

 

“Okay, so we’ll be focusing on how we can smoothen out some of your movements and other alternatives based off what Johnny said earlier. We can start out discussing about what went wrong and move from there, alright?” Donghyuck says, turning around from the monitors to face Mark. “We just have to wait for Johnny to send in the remaining information before we begin. Shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

 

 

Mark nods in understanding, and a stretch of silence falls as they both wait for the updated details. It’s fast getting awkward, and just as Mark starts racking his brain for what kind of possible conversation topics he could use with this boy that he had no idea about, Donghyuck breaks the silence by himself instead.

 

 

“So, how do you find this place so far?” Donghyuck questions, his tone slightly awkward like the atmosphere that was settling down on them.

 

 

“I mean, it’ll take a while to get used to obviously, and it’s quite hard to believe that I’m actually becoming a part of NCT.”

 

_Quite hard_ is a huge understatement, Mark is barely processing the fact that he’s actually already here and starting training while still questioning whether someone of his caliber is suited to be there, and also, he thinks he’s quickly sounding like his awkward middle school self when he shifted schools and people asked him how he was.

 

 

Donghyuck hums at his response, and while Mark had expected the silence to resume, he speaks up yet again.

  

 

“It must be hard for you, right? Having to get used to a whole new environment especially since you have no one familiar with you.” Donghyuck muses, and Mark’s head shoots up.

 

 

The statement takes him by surprise, that was not what he had expected from Donghyuck, especially considering that they were about to go over the first Simulation that Mark had ever done there, which he had also messed up. Not to mention the younger boy was definitely perceptive, being able to figure out one of the issues that was hard for him to deal with at that point in time.

 

 

“I—Yeah. One of my previous squad mates made it into the Special Forces as well but he’s in NCT V so I don’t think I’ll be seeing him anytime soon,” Mark replies, a little dryly.

 

 

Yukhei had been one of his closest friends during their enlistment period while it would have been nice to have continued to work with him, Mark knew they were setting off on different paths for majority of the time the moment they both chose different areas for their Special Term before they were being posted to NCT.

 

 

“I can’t exactly say I relate since I came in with the others from Special Forces Programme so the process was relatively smoother for me. Even in the first unit I was posted to, I worked with my friends. I think you would’ve heard of it, it’s one of the Special Operations Unit as well, it’s called Dream. All of us Field Operatives there were from military school.”

 

 

“Yeah, Johnny told me about it. I didn’t know it was all graduates from military school though. Why did you get switched to NCT U then?

 

 

Donghyuck falls silent for a short while, leading Mark to almost assume that he had stepped too far, that maybe it was a sensitive topic for the other, but then Donghyuck broke the silence.

 

 

“One of our missions became botched up and Jen—” Donghyuck pauses to take a deep breath. “Our unit sustained some injuries. Bullet wounds to the shoulder and legs. Two of us managed to come out faring better and we went on more solo and duo operations then while the others were recovering. Then a few months later... I don’t know if Johnny told you about this but U’s previous members….” Donghyuck trails off again, wincing.

 

 

“Yeah, Johnny told me about what happened to them,” Mark hurriedly replies, picking up on the reluctance in his tone to elaborate further about what happened.

 

 

He did know what had happened from Johnny after all. Yet another botched mission like the one Dream had faced, but on an even more serious scale, one that had cost a member his life and the other becoming permanently disabled.

 

 

NCT U had been temporarily disassembled, with the other Special Operation Units covering for them for the time being. That was until, of course, this year’s new recruits such as Mark came in, to be able to make up and take over in such gaps of manpower wherever needed according to their skillset.

 

 

Donghyuck nods, and moves on with his recollections. “Anyway, since they’re reassembling the unit the decided to transfer me here. I was the most skilled in Dream according to them, and there are a few new talented recruits from the military school who will be joining in my place, so it balances out. Anyway, so here I am, and since Taeyong asked, it’s my job to help you get through your training process so that you can end as an official part of our team.”

 

 

Donghyuck’s tone is back to sounding firm and confident, the sound of one who knows that he’s good at his job and will do everything in his power to carry things out as it should be to maintain and even improve his strengths further.

 

 

It stirs a small sense of jealousy in Mark, the surety that Donghyuck had in himself serving as such as striking contrast to Mark’s current own self questioning habits.

 

 

“Hey Mark.”

 

 

Mark looks up to see Donghyuck staring right back at him with a thoughtful look in his eyes.

 

 

“I just said that I can’t really relate to you feeling alone, but in one way we’re still the same.”

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“Yeah. You’re alone and this is the first time I’m working in a unit with someone who I’m not familiar with before as well. Maybe we can still end up making this work well somehow though.”

 

 

“That sounds good,’ Mark smiles, and Donghyuck offers a small one in return. It’s not as if they’re suddenly friends, but it’s seems as if it is a step forward in that direction, and for now, that was a good enough development for the both them.

 

 

“Good. Looks like the details are all up on the monitors already, so let’s get back on track.”

 

 

At some point of time, it strikes Mark in the back of him mind that there didn’t seem to be a particular reason why Donghyuck had seemed to be affected earlier when mentioning the previous NCT U members, considering that he was on another team. As Donghyuck continues to direct the conversation topic back to Mark’s simulation run that day, he quickly chalks it up to Donghyuck spending a longer time as a member of NCT and that he might have gotten to know the previous members and buries the thought.

 

 

As the night moves along, there are moments when Mark catches himself staring at the other’s smiles that form when Donghyuck breaks out of his serious shell of providing feedback to bring up some of his own silly mistakes when he was during his training period as well. He takes in the upturn of his lips, the crinkle of his eyes and feels a sense of warmth envelope his body as he starts to finally see the younger boy for who he was as he in turn slowly but surely opens up to him in his own way.

 

****

————

****

****

**_Year 26_ **

**_23rd July_ **

 

 

“ _Why_ would you do that?” Donghyuck asks, the tone of his voice calm, but there was an underlying ferocity that Mark couldn’t ignore.

 

 

It was almost scarier to face him here than it had been to face Johnny earlier, he thinks. He could still hear Johnny’s frustrated voice ringing out with frustration over his earpiece, as Mark gone against his words and carried out the exact mistake that today’s simulation had wanted to test him against.

 

 

And yet, the slightly cold look on Donghyuck’s face, reminding him of the days when he had first arrived, with his expressionless and more closed off self, is what is sending Mark wringing his hands in frustration and disappointment at himself now.

 

 

It doesn’t help that the other had brought him to the balcony of their meeting room rather than staying in it for their discussion tonight. That was where they had managed to break out of their shells, both of them, little by little, to reach where they were to each other, a strange sort of friends who had bonded over small breaks during their discussions at this very balcony over the past two months.

 

 

It clashes with Mark’s emotions even more somehow, knowing that he’ll probably end up being berated by Donghyuck, in the one place which he had managed to leave his self-doubts behind. He’s tired, so, _so tired,_ and it just keeps getting harder to stop questioning himself.

 

_And here I was thinking that I would be able to stop making as many mistakes as I used to a couple of months ago but it doesn’t matter at all, since I only made one today, and it was the biggest of them all. How in the world am I supposed to be a part of U at this rate, why am I even here_ —

 

 

Mark runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t _know,_ Donghyuck. I thought it was the quicker way out and that I could handle it, and I _did_ , but apparently that was wrong—”

 

 

“Yes, because you could have cost us the entire mission if this was a real-life situation,” Donghyuck cuts in harshly and Mark winces, fists curling into tight balls. “And you know what else?”

 

 

Mark looks away from Donghyuck’s gaze, breath speeding up. _There it is, this is how bad I’ve messed up, he’s probably going to start questioning why I’m even here and_ —

 

 

“You could’ve lost your life if this was reality too,” Donghyuck’s says, his voice dropping to a much softer tone, but Mark misses the way the concern enters his eyes.

 

 

“Yes, I know, I messed up real bad,” Mark spits out. “I get it.”

 

 

“Mark, you have to listen to me—” Donghyuck starts before stopping short.

 

_When will I ever be able to improve properly_ —

 

 

“ _Mark.”_

 

 

Mark starts as a warm hand wraps around his own, fingers slowly unravelling his tightly clenched fist, revealing the angry crescent shaped marks that had been left behind from when he had dug his fingernails into his palm due to his own anger and dissatisfaction. Donghyuck moves his hand to the other fist, doing the same, his touch gentle. Mark’s rapid fire self-criticizing thoughts freeze to a halt at the younger boy’s actions, and he lifts his head up to finally face him.

 

 

“Hey, hey, breathe,” Donghyuck says, sounding obviously worried now. With the hand that was already on top of Mark’s, he rubs circles into the back of Mark’s hand as a soothing gesture. “You’re being so hard on yourself.”

 

 

It wasn’t a question, but a statement. As he takes in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and get rid of his train of miserable thoughts out of his head completely, Mark supposes that he shouldn’t be surprised that Donghyuck managed to figure that out.

 

 

“I messed up though, I’ve never seen Johnny seem so frustrated,” He croaks out weakly.

 

 

Johnny was generally a patient and good-natured man, guiding Mark through even if he makes mistakes like firing two projectiles instead of one as instructed just because he thought it would be necessary, but then again, those had never led to almost costing him the whole mission. Johnny had calmed down soon enough after it had ended though, and instructed Mark to go cool off and left off the analysis discussions for the next day, sensing that the boy was clearly agitated.

 

 

It hadn’t made Mark feel much better though.

 

 

“That’s what we’re training for though, Mark. We make mistakes, then we learn to pick ourselves back up before we actually go out on field. It’s better to make Johnny mad here in the Simulation Room than out there anyway. Hell, I’ve actually led Doyoung to these kinds of situations due to some mistakes in an actual operation too, I’ve messed up more than you might think. But we’re still here, so we learn, so now our job is to try and move on without letting it completely halt us even though it can be a struggle to get over,” Donghyuck’s words falls on his ears like a form of comfort, and Mark takes in yet another shaky breath.

 

 

“You know, you’re actually a vital addition to our team. I know you still question yourself and your strengths a lot, sometimes you sound so unsure when we’re talking. But you’re _so_ skilled, Mark Lee. You went through the whole Special Term system before NCT and managed to come out as one of the most outstanding compared to everyone else in your course. You’re going to be my partner out of the field by the end of this, and it’s only been a few months and I don’t know what this means to you, or if it does at all, but I already trust you, Mark. You’re so important.”

 

 

At those words, it’s like something within Mark cracks, and tears well up in eyes. He swallows hard, trying to keep them in, and unconsciously reaches out to pull in Donghyuck, dropping his head on the other’s shoulder. Donghyuck wraps his arms around Mark, holding him close.

 

 

A silence comes over them then, Mark clinging on to Donghyuck physically as much as he was holding on to Donghyuck’s words, going over and imprinting them carefully in his brain. It may take him a while more to get rid of his doubts himself, but the younger boy’s words gave him much needed reassurance that could help him one day reach that point, and his presence, reassuring.

 

 

As the night bleeds on, if Donghyuck notices how a few tears slip out of Mark’s eyes into his shirt, he doesn’t say anything and just holds him tighter instead.

 

****

————

****

****

**_Year 27_ **

**_13 th April _ **

 

 

There are only hints of dull pain remaining in Mark’s wrist by the time Taeil finishes cleaning up.

 

 

Mark runs a thumb over his wrist, and feeling Donghyuck’s eyes heavy on the same spot even as he thanks Taeil once again before they take their leave.

 

 

There’s a long silence as both of them make their way back to their living quarters, and Mark doesn’t know whether it’s because of what just happened or what it means is about to happen next. It isn’t until they both enter their living room when Mark turns to Donghyuck, a smile finally breaking across his face, and Donghyuck replies with a slightly smaller one of his own, but the expression in his eyes say all that is necessary. They’re shining with excitement and also filled with pride, and also a hint of some other underlying emotion that Mark can’t exactly place a finger on, yet something tells him that it’s a good one.

 

 

“It’s official,” Mark breathes out, and Donghyuck nods, his smile growing.

 

 

“Yeah, congrats.”

 

 

The tracker in Mark’s wrist was a symbol of his acceptance as a full-fledged member of the unit, one who was now ready to be assigned missions and serve his country officially. It meant Mark belonged to the team and was just as important as every other member.

 

 

“Thanks Hyuck,” Mark grins, stretching out his arms. “Can’t wait to be the best man out on the field from now on. Doyoung’s going to wish he started off being in charge of me instead of your troublesome self.”

 

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and scoffs, “You wish, Mark Lee.”

 

 

“I’ll head in first,” Mark claims and turns to his room. It had been a satisfying day, but he couldn’t deny that he was exhausted after spending continuous hours at the Simulation Room without any break as usual and then barely being change out and able to grab a bite before heading down to get the tracker chip inserted by Taeil.

 

 

Mark twists the door knob and just as he was about to step through the doorway, a hand reaches out and grabs his arm. He spins around, and Donghyuck is right there, of course he is, but there’s something about the close something about the close proximity at which Donghyuck is standing, and his breath catches in his throat.  


 

“I— I just wanted to say—” He pauses to take a deep breath before looking straight at Mark’s eyes. This time, the eyes that are trained on Mark are softer, sincere, the tone which speaks the following words distinct and genuine.

 

 

“Welcome to the team, partner.”

 

_Partner._

 

 

Emotions well up in Mark as the Donghyuck’s soft voice falls on his ears. The implication of equality that the word carried now filled him up with a sense of pride and acceptance. While the members of NCT U had one by one been the ones who had helped him through the process of honing his skills and building his confidence in them since the start, there was still a sneaking sense of inferiority when he was still in his training phase. He starts to get deeper into thoughts when a touch jerks him back to reality.

 

 

It also reflects back on his journey back with Donghyuck, how they had started off slowly, and then became friends despite Donghyuck being one with slightly more skill and experience than Mark, and where they were now, as friends who would be finally start working together on equal footing.

 

 

It's Donghyuck finger, tracing over the location where his tracker was supposed to be slowly, the slight contact sending shivers down Mark’s spine.

 

 

“You’re well qualified to be a part of this unit. I hope you remember that, Mark Lee,” He adds on quietly, and warmth floods through Mark’s body from the very tips of his toes all the way to his ears.

 

 

His eyes track every moment that Donghyuck takes, as he slowly lifts Mark’s hand up, up, up, and then—

 

_Oh._

 

 

There’s a brush of soft lips against the skin of his wound, and Mark freezes, breath caught in his throat.

 

 

There’s something in the gentleness of the action, the feeling of how it was meant to be for reassurance that Mark belongs. Yet still there is a contrast present in how Donghyuck’s eyes look now, slightly hooded as he pulls away, sending Mark’s blood pounding furiously. His eyes unknowingly stray to look at the lips that had just kissed his wrist and Mark swallows hard at the thoughts that start to race through his mind.

 

_Were they always this pink and plump?_

 

 

A small spark that had been flickering within him, one that Mark himself never noticed, ignites into a roaring blaze that day.

 

****

————

****

****

**_Year 27_ **

**_1 st May _ **

 

 

There’s a bright flash of blue before everything went to black for a moment.

 

 

“Alright, it’s over. Good job, you two,” Doyoung’s voice crackles over the earpiece and Mark rips off the goggles from his face, panting.

 

 

He squints, trying to get used to the brightness of the Simulation Room, and a familiar figure comes into shape at the opposite corner of the room, already making his way to the exit. Mark follows quickly behind, moving up towards the control room where Doyoung and Johnny were before the large monitors with equally weary looks on their faces, but eyes shining brightly. Mark catches Donghyuck’s eye, a small grin appearing on his face that was otherwise flushed with exertion from the rigorous simulation that they had just ended, which the younger returns.

 

 

“That was a good run, especially considering how Ten somehow managed to immediately add all the possibilities that Taeyong went over last time during this system upgrade and gave us all a hell of a time,” Johnny complains, but there was still unmistakable fondness in his expression as he mentions the tech lead.

 

 

“We’ll be sending the recordings and results to Taeyong soon, he’ll be joining us in our meeting later as we run over everything as well. Unit I’s found more intel from their latest mission that could be beneficial our upcoming one. Hopefully it’ll help us to narrow down our plans and make it more targeted,” Doyoung adds on, slumping back on his chair in exhaustion.

 

 

The duo nod in agreement before taking their leave, too tired from the run through that had lasted for six continuous hours and make their way to the weaponry to discard what they had on them. They had started their preparations for the first operation as a unit, and working together as a whole, even getting used to Donghyuck in action, was a challenge that was definitely more draining than Mark’s previous solo training had been.

 

It’s interesting though, Mark thinks as he removes his weapons and strips out of his gear. Working with Donghyuck together on field was definitely different, and in a way better too, as compared having him behind the glass and monitoring Mark’s every single move instead.

 

Donghyuck’s already done and waiting for Mark by the time he steps out, all changed. The boy was leaning against the wall, running a hand through his hair and Mark couldn’t seem to find a reason as to why he paused at the doorway to stare at the sight, and yet he was doing that exact thing. It was else that had changed recently, something he found himself doing more often these days, his eyes searching for Donghyuck at all sorts of timings.

 

 

They make light conversation on the way to the Mess Hall, about the simulation and the terrible menu that day at the Mess Hall, which they still end up scarfing down in their hunger and tiredness. The Mess Hall is pretty empty as it usually is whenever the two of them head down, with the different units with vastly different schedules of their own for both training and deployment, resulting in even their soft voices seeming as though they were ringing throughout the area.

 

 

Donghyuck leans out back onto his chair after he’s done, stretching his arms leisurely. His lower lip sticks out unconsciously into something like a pout, and it sends Mark back to doing exactly what he was thinking about and had been doing earlier as well: Staring at Lee Donghyuck.

 

 

Or his lips to be more exact.

 

 

His plump lips which currently had some sauce stained at the corner, compliments of what a messy eater Donghyuck is.

 

_Yet another endearing fact,_ Mark’s brain helpfully suggests, and he focuses on shoving it back down to whatever depth it came from as he leans across the side of the table instinctively, a thumb reaching out to wipe the stain off. His actions only hit him as the pad of his thumb presses against Donghyuck’s lip, and Mark freezes as the same time as Donghyuck, the younger boy with his brown eyes rounded.

 

 

Mark swallows hard, slowly moving his thumb across the stain, eyes fixated on those pretty pink lips. Donghyuck’s lips part a little, the tip of Mark’s thumb dipping into his mouth ever so slightly, sending heat rushing to his cheeks and heart into overdrive. It was just as soft as he had remembered under his touch, just as soft as it had been the last time Donghyuck had pressed them into his skin.

 

_I wonder how they taste_ —

 

 

“I— I’ll go return these trays first,” Donghyuck stammers out, putting an abrupt stop to Mark’s train of thought and he snatches back his hand at lightning speed, questioning what came over him. Donghyuck pushes out of his seat just as quickly such that the chair almost topples over backwards.

 

 

Mark, on the other hand, stares down at his own tray, blood pounding hard.

 

 

There’s a faint distorted reflection of himself on the metal of the tray, his hair seeming to stick up in odder ways than it already was, and Mark sighs.

 

 

Deep down, he could tell there was the reason for everything that he seemed to be doing, the one that he had obstinately refused to ponder over completely yet, but it seemed to be cropping up so much more often, becoming harder and harder to ignore.

 

 

He lifts up his own tray, and follows after Donghyuck towards the returning shelves.

****

****

————

****

****

**_Year 27_ **

**_28 th May_ **

 

 

“You like Donghyuck, don’t you?” Doyoung asks flats out, and Mark chokes on his orange juice.

 

 

“If you ask me how I know which you probably will, it’s because _you_ are obvious as shit,” Doyoung continues smoothly, as though Mark’s life hadn’t just flashed before his eyes. Heat creeps up Mark’s neck as Doyoung puts out in words what Mark himself had been struggling to accept and then hide. _Oh my god, am I actually that obvious?_

 

 

“Don’t think I don’t see you two making moony eyes at each other when you think the other isn’t looking, like basically everywhere from our meeting rooms to our living quarters. Also, we’ve been here for barely an hour and I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve brought Hyuck up into our conversations even when there’s absolutely nothing related to him in it.”

 

 

“Wh— I do? I did?” Mark croaks out, grabbing a tissue paper to wipe away the orange juice that was dribbling down his chin.

 

 

“Yes, you did. Frankly speaking, I think my patience levels are incredibly high to be able to put up with the not only one but two of you acting like this,” Doyoung comments. “Donghyuck hasn’t even left to go back home yet, he misses having lunch with you to go see Taeyong for _one day_ and you’re already like this.”

 

 

Mark flushes harder at Doyoung’s fondly exasperated tone before his mind processes everything that the other had said completely. _Wait._

 

 

“Wait, you just said— the two of us?”

 

 

“Yeah, last week when you left for home on your break, Donghyuck was doing the exact same thing. _Mark_ this, _Mark_ that, _Hey Doyoung, do you know Mark drinks this shitty orange juice every day without fail? He’s probably the only one who does_ ,” Doyoung tries to do a bad imitation of Donghyuck’s high pitched voice, and Mark’s pretty sure his cheeks are on fire. “You guys seem even worse than Johnny and Ten when they were going through their own _I’m catching feelings and I don’t know what to do_ phase, the things I have to deal with.”

 

 

“Hey, the orange juice isn’t that bad,’ He mumbles, and Doyoung lets out a sigh. “ _That’s_ all you got from what I just said?”  

 

 

“No, but I mean— what you’re implying— Donghyuck he—” Mark speaks falteringly, his emotions rising up in different waves and clashing thought and Mark doesn’t know what to think.

 

 

Doyoung’s eyes become gentler as he sees the younger boy struggling to put everything into words. “I can’t exactly speak for Donghyuck, so I’m just saying what I think based off my own observations. But it seems to me that you will be the one to know better anyway, and even if you don’t you’ll find out soon.”

 

 

“Yeah well, I’m not too sure about that. It took me a whole month to even find out that Taeyong and Donghyuck were cousins,” Mark grumbles, trying to ignore that there’s still a part of him that keeps clinging on to every word that Doyoung was saying. He himself has had an inkling that there just _might_ be a slight possibility, but of course he had squashed down the possibilities in order to not get his hopes up.

 

 

(“By the way, you mentioned your cousin was also in the Special Operations Unit right? Will I get to meet him one day?”

 

 

“Okay hold on, you don’t know who my cousin is?”

 

 

“Am I supposed to?” Mark’s eyes had furrowed in confusion.

 

 

“It’s Taeyong.”

 

 

“Oh ok— Wait, _Taeyong?_ ” Mark had sputtered, the shock clear on his face.

 

 

Donghyuck had burst out into laughter, a sound that seemed almost annoyingly high-pitched but still somehow yet endearing, and for a second, Mark could have sworn that his heart skipped a beat.)

 

Doyoung chuckles and stretches an arm out to ruffle Mark’s hair affectionately.

 

 

“Don’t worry about it, took me a while too. But you found out about it after you asked him personally, didn’t you?”

 

 

“I— Yeah, how’d you know that I was the one who had asked?”

 

 

“Just a guess, knowing the way Hyuck is,” Doyoung gives Mark a soft smile. “So, remember, you’ll never know until you try and talk to him, okay? Tell him what you what to as well, and maybe you’ll also end up hearing something that you want to in return.”

 

 

Mark looks down at his half-filled glass, a faint image of himself swirling back at him on the surface.

 

 

It strikes him then that at some point, he had started smiling and hoping.

 

****

****

————

****

**_Year 27_ **

**_4 th June_ **

 

 

“So you’re leaving tomorrow morning?” Mark asks.

 

 

Donghyuck hums in agreement, his hair flying around due to the night breeze on the balcony. Some shorter strands were sticking out at odd angles, and Mark’s pretty sure his probably look the same, but he’s also sure that he wouldn’t be looking as adorable as Donghyuck did with that mess on top of his head.

 

 

“Have a fun trip, even though you’ll probably be missing my wonderful presence,” Mark laughs and without thinking, he reaches out to ruffle the younger boy’s hair, before dropping it over his shoulders.

 

 

“Like hell I will,” Donghyuck snorts.

 

 

Mark smiles, and looks down at the younger boy, who was illuminated by the light surrounding him. It was a weird mix of colors as always, a faint amber hue emitting from one of the lamps at the balcony, the clear moonlight beaming down from the skies, mixed with the blueish lights from the nearby buildings for other NCT forces.

 

 

 _He looks beautiful._ Mark looks down and his eyes trace Donghyuck’s side profile, the scatter of moles around his cheek, the dip of his nose, his heart-shaped lips, and then back up, to those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes, that were turning to look at him.

 

 

Donghyuck blinks up questioningly at Mark, probably due to the sudden silence that had fell when he spent his sweet time drinking up Donghyuck’s features, and Mark’s breath catches in his throat.

 

 

He removes his hand from Donghyuck’s shoulder, shifting so that he and Donghyuck were face to face, before slowly brushing some of the soft strands that were flopping over Donghyuck’s eyes away. Donghyuck swallows visibly, and leans lightly into Mark’s touch as he drags his fingers over the curve of Donghyuck’s cheek.

 

 

“Hey Donghyuck, I—I need to tell you something—” Mark begins, his voice shaky. He had started off on instinct without processing the words flowing out of his mouth, his blood racing in his veins, so he takes yet another deep breath and—

 

 

And Donghyuck takes a step back from him.

 

 

“Oh yeah, hey, how about you tell me later? I just realized that I have to go and get ready some things before leaving tomorrow,” Donghyuck babbles, words crashing one after another in a rush as he continues towards the door. He pauses at the entrance of the balcony for a second, looking back at Mark who was frozen in shock. “I—Sorry. I’ll see you inside, okay?”

 

 

Mark is left staring the empty entrance, heart dropping, the warmth in his hand that he had felt when he touched Donghyuck fading away as the cold night air bites his skin.

 

 

 

————

 

 

**_Year 27_ **

**_9 th June_ **

 

 

“Thought I’d find you here,” Donghyuck’s honeyed voice breaks through the silence, and Mark turns from where he was leaning at the balcony rails, his eyes lighting up and heart clenching at the same time.

 

 

“Hyuck, you’re back already? I thought you were returning tomorrow.”

 

 

“Yeah we decided to come back a little earlier,” Donghyuck a small smile and makes a move towards where Mark was standing.

 

 

His fingertips brush against Mark’s lightly, and Mark can feel his heart rate starting to pick up as Donghyuck then laces them together. He can feel the warmth radiating of Donghyuck’s palm against his own, and when Mark fixes his gaze upon those heart stopping eyes, he thinks about all the different expressions and worlds that he had managed to discover in there.

 

 

From starting off as frigid and cut off, to being sharp with intelligence and experience, to being bright with laughter, and kind with unwavering faith and support.

 

 

Memories of that moment from a few days ago right at this very balcony come to his mind, but also Doyoung’s words, and right now, the feeling of Donghyuck’s hand in his, has all of Mark’s emotions building up, threatening to explode.

 

 

And he thinks, _fuck it._

 

 

“Lee Donghyuck, I like you. You know that, right?” Mark bursts out in a rush, and Donghyuck’s eyes flash up at him in surprise.

 

 

“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry I pulled away the last time we were here. You deserve an explanation about it,” Donghyuck stares down at his feet.

 

 

“I was afraid, you know, of how I was starting to feel. Remember what happened to the previous NCT U members? Nakamoto Yuta, his one of his closest friends, and Jung Jaehyun, the one who got seriously injured. Did you know Jaehyun is Taeyong’s boyfriend?”

 

 

Everything starts to into place for Mark then, why Donghyuck had pulled away that day, and also why he had seemed so affected himself when talking about the previous U members even though he hadn’t been in the unit then.

 

 

“So as you can guess, Taeyong was devastated and to me then, that was something new. He had always seemed like my strong and firm cousin, Commander of the NCT U. Like you know, seeing him was the reason why I even decided to join military school. But in private when he broke down, it was obvious how hard it is on him. Losing his friend and almost losing his boyfriend as well, it’s heartbreaking. Even now, it still isn’t easy for him. Thinking about it made me scared, because our job is so risky, and how the same thing that happened to U has happened many times before and can happen again anytime. If it does, how would it be if something happened to us, to you, so I thought closing myself off from this kind of emotions would help at least a little.”

 

 

“I didn’t want to get as attached to you as I did, and I know it only just continue growing, so I wanted to try and push myself away. But visiting Jaehyun with Taeyong during this break helped me think about it. Some of the demons may seem like theirs to battle alone, and they’re both still a long way from healing completely, after all they’ve been through, they still treasure everything that makes them happy. Me, our families, our unit… And I can tell, how much Jaehyun had loved Taeyong and how much he still does, and it’s something so precious to him. He told me not to let you go, and he’s right, because even though I tried to pull away, I realized that it isn’t something that would make me feel any better. I want to be able to be with you for whatever time we have, treasure the things that make me happy too, like you.”

 

 

“I like you, you know. I like you a lot, and I don’t want to just, let you go,” Donghyuck finishes quietly, his voice almost cracking at the end.

 

 

And Mark’s heart leaps, but there’s also a lump in his throat at Donghyuck’s words.

 

 

It’s harsh, that the other boy already had so much weighing on his mind at the young age of twenty, causing him to be afraid of what one would have normally had if they weren’t in such a line of work. All Mark wants to do is to relieve those burdens off him, but they both know that it’s impossible, so he sticks to the one thing that he’s certain about, his feelings for Donghyuck.

 

 

Mark lifts his free hand to cup Donghyuck’s cheek, the other leaning into the touch almost instantly, and squeezes their intertwined hands together.

 

 

“Hyuck, you know we can’t promise anything to each other because we don’t know what will come our way, but I can tell you this. You matter a lot to me, and I don’t want to let you go either. So we can try this, this relationship thing, if you want, and if you’re comfortable with it, but I just want you to know that even if you don’t, you’ll always still have me there next to you.”

 

 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, then focuses on Mark, his expression this time determined while also full of affection, mirroring that of Mark’s own.  

 

 

“How are you just about the sweetest thing in this place, Mark Lee? And yes, I want to. Let’s try.”

 

 

“Okay,” Mark breathes out, his fingers stroking the curve of Donghyuck’s cheek, the two words filling him more hope and relief than he ever imagined. “We can take it as slow as you want.”

 

 

He then reaches out to pull Donghyuck closer, wrapping his arms around him, trying to pour all his affections through his actions, and the younger boy melts in his embrace. Mark rests his cheek against the soft strands of Donghyuck’s hair as he buries his face in Mark’s shoulder.

 

 

Mark doesn’t know how long they stay there, tangled up in each other’s arms as the other boy was the only thing who was keeping them grounded. In that moment, there’s a sense of contentment and safety sinking deep to their bones that they wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

 

In that moment, it feels as though all the chaos and destruction that would surround them out on the field doesn’t exist, here in this place where their emotions mirrored each other’s.

 

 

————

 

 

**_Year 27_ **

**_17 th June_ **

 

 

There’s an almost vulnerable look in Donghyuck’s eyes as Mark untangles their fingers and gently moves them to grasp his wrist loosely instead. His eyes trace Mark’s movements carefully as Mark gently raises it up, his slightest brush of lips against the scar of where his own tracker was, the action sending shivers down his spine despite the simplicity of it.

 

 

Of course Mark Lee would pull his own move on him.

 

 

Mark’s eyes are slightly hooded as he draws Donghyuck in closer by the waist, one hand shifting to cup his cheek. The night breeze is cool against his skin, but the warmth of having Donghyuck against makes Mark feel as though he’s set on fire.

 

 

“Can we try?” Donghyuck had asked just moments ago, the apples of his cheek dusted a soft pink under the yellowed light of lamp.

 

 

There had been no need for him to explain what he meant, for it was all clear through the way he was holding himself, that blush, the eyes that were staring at Mark’s lips as they had before so many times, constant in the way that they never failed to make Mark’s heart rate skyrocket.

 

 

They had been taking things slow, treasuring each new step that came that way, cuddling, cheek kisses, forehead kisses, and extremely frequent hand holding, every single action precious. They hadn’t shared a proper kiss yet, and while Mark does want to taste the other’s lips badly, he’s also satisfied at what they have progressing naturally, and of course he would wait until Donghyuck himself asked.

 

 

“I— Really?” Mark had barely managed to stutter out, the other’s small smile and nod in return being all the confirmation he needed.

 

 

And here they were, pressed up against each other, hearts racing in unison as their lips hover just mere inches from each other. He drinks in the way Donghyuck’s eyes flutter shut, waiting for him, before he finally leans forward to close the gap between them and seals their lips together in one heart stopping second.

 

 

It’s a slow slide of their lips, both of them wanting to savor this new step they’ve taken. Each tentative movement has Mark swimming in exhilaration, Donghyuck’s lips just as soft and plush against his as they had always seemed.

 

 

They break apart for a breath of air, Donghyuck taking a shaky breath, and before Mark could relish in the fact at how gorgeous Donghyuck looked, his pupils dilated and lips spit slick, Donghyuck crashes their lips back together again.

 

 

The change is so quick, how Donghyuck had switched from soft and hesitant to seeming almost desperate and Mark lets out a surprised sound. There’s the curve of a slight smirk against his mouth at the sound, and Donghyuck’s hands slide up his arms to his shoulders, linking around his neck, the touch raising goosebumps across his skin.

 

 

Donghyuck lets out a little whimper as Mark pressed back with equal force and starts to suck on his bottom lip, sending heat pooling in his stomach. Mark draws small circles into Donghyuck’s back as he opens up beautifully for Mark, swallowing the small sounds he lets out when he wraps his tongue around the other’s.

 

 

Every small detail is intoxicating, the sweet taste of Donghyuck’s mouth against his, the way his whole body seemed to curve into Mark’s, how his hands move to grip at the strands of Mark’s hair, eliciting a groan from him.

 

 

It’s addicting, the intensity sending Mark’s head spinning, and they break apart once again, their lips disconnecting in a string of saliva. Donghyuck leans his forehead against Mark’s, the beginning of a dazed smile appearing amongst huffs of breaths.

 

 

His cheeks are flushed a full-blown red now, and Mark’s heart swells with affection. Here was this boy, with sharp words and sharper actions on the outside that masked the innocence deep within, opening up to Mark one step after another on this road they were going to take together, just as how he had been with Mark through his own journey past his previous insecurities.

 

 

Mark runs his thumb over the curve of Donghyuck’s cheeks, before going back to his lips, dropping a series of short and breathless pecks, reveling in the closeness, leaving the younger boy giggling against his lips.

 

 

In that moment, where they were wrapped up in each other and a comfortable warmth, it seems as though they could be invincible.

 

****

————

****

****

**_Year 27_ **

**_2 nd July_ **

 

Sometimes Donghyuck kisses like he only has one chance left, at other times he kisses as though they have all the time in the world. This time it feels a little different though, Mark thinks, as Donghyuck presses into him a little desperately, yet still somehow tasting of hope as he nibbles on Mark’s bottom lip. It’s almost like a representation of what’s looming ahead of them, the mission that was uncertain in its success rate despite months of preparation but the bond between them being definite in the fact that no one will be left alone.

 

 

Mark kisses back just as fervently, holding the younger boy firm against him, his blood thrumming at the rush that being pressed against Donghyuck never fails to give him, and also due to the nervous energy that was enveloping the both of them. As they both pull away, slightly breathless, Donghyuck wraps his hand around Mark’s wrist and brings it to his lips. The familiar brush of his lips sends warmth flooding through Mark’s system, filled with reminders that this was where he belonged, with Donghyuck, and with the team.

 

 

And Mark gently cards his hand through the strands of Donghyuck’s hair, leaning forward once more to drop a kiss against Donghyuck’s forehead as his eyes flutter shut for the last few seconds of blissful quiet.

 

 

When he opens them again, they’re bright with determination and filled with cool confidence, just a little bit like how they used to be when they were first starting to get to know each other. But this time, there’s also the fondness and love shining through them that’s reserved solely for Mark to see, a fact that never fails to Mark proud. It also strikes Mark then, that there’s still so much more ahead of them, so much more of Donghyuck that he can still get to know through the mission, how his personality and strengths will come into play when they are actually out on field, and that somehow the thought fills Mark with anticipation.

 

 

Mark steps back to pull on a pair of black gloves before joining Donghyuck who had then moved to waiting near the door. There’s a flick of the switch and in an instant, darkness almost envelopes them completely. And yet there is still light streaming in through the one of the few windows, and as Mark turns to peck the younger boy once more before they head down, he notices that his own reflection gleams back at him through Donghyuck’s eyes as well.

 

 

No longer was he the confused and unsure boy he had been when he had first entered the building, it was clear through the people around him, clear through the way he now held himself.

 

 

Mark smiles, and steps through the door, closing it behind him.

 

 

The full moon shines all the brighter in the sky.

 

 

————

 

 


End file.
